Why I Voted Democrat

(Courtesy of progunner1957, WR)

I voted Democrat because...

I love the fact that I can now marry whoever or whatever I want - and I've decided to marry one of my sheep.

Because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn't.

Because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

Because Freedom of speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

Because when we pull out of Afghanistan I trust that the Al-Qaeda terrorists will stop murdering Americans because they now think we are good people.

Because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves.

Because I believe that people who can't tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.

Because I'm not concerned about the slaughter of millions of babies so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

Because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

Because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.

Because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite The Constitution every few days to suit militant socialist control freaks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

Because America has "too much freedom," as Bill Clinton once said.

Because the Founders were illiterate, uneducated, wrong, bigoted and full of hate when they wrote the Constitution.

Because everyone should submit to an omnipotent, centralized, socialist government.

Because Democrat politicians are enlightened, godlike beings who deserve our unthinking, unquestioning obedience.

Because "bitter, small-town Americans who cling to their guns and Bibles" are a menace to proper socialist governance and need to be either reeducated or removed from our culture.

Because "freedom" in Democrat manufactured and approved chains is what every American citizen needs and longs for.

Because I'm pro-choice, which means a woman has an absolute right to murder an innocent child but she has no right to keep and bear arms, regardless of what the Bill of Rights says.

Because it is every citizen's duty to sacrifice to stop Global Warming while Al Gore lives in a Nashville mansion that uses twenty-three times the amount of electricity of the average American home.

Because it is every man's responsibility to engage in self-flagellation and self-loathing for demeaning women - while keeping their mouths shut about our socialist visionaries like Bill Clinton, Elliot Spitzer and John Edwards who lead lives of moral perfection and congeniality.

Because I want my life to be run by socialist demagogues who possess education rather than intelligence, ambition rather than ability and who value power and control over honor and integrity.